Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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