She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
