Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
