how can u be prego again
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
