even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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