so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
