He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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