4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
