i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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