We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
