He uses pillows to masturbate.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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