Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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