Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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