weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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