It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
