She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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