I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
