i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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