Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
