just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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