Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
