If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Who wears a wallet chain?!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
