FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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