I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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