my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
