you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
