the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Someone signed my nipple.
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