Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
