I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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