My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
