i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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