They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
