He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
