Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
