oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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