thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
