i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
