I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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