I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
