I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
