So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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