ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
