Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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