I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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