I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Acid is not a monday night drug
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
