laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
