How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
