Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
