I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I touched a dick in church today
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
