Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
